September 18th, 2012–D Day aka C Day
The day where my life moving forward was never going to be the same. The day that I learned that I had cancer. The day that my phone rang from the doctor. The day I had a student run to get an assistant for my class; I stepped into the copier room my heart racing. The day the doctor said “You have breast cancer“, my heart stopped. The day that I ran to the school office, broke down and said I can and will not go back in my class. The day that I drove home needing windshield wipers for my eyes. It was a day that didn’t seem real. A bad dream. How could I have breast cancer? I run half marathons, I don’t eat meat, I eat organic foods, I live a healthy lifestyle, I’m only 38 years old. It doesn’t make sense. It’s doesn’t make sense.
FEAR. Nothing has ever filled me with such fear. So many questions. So many unknowns. Is it bad? Has it overtaken my body? What is going to happen to me? What is going to happen to my kids? MY KIDS. My Gabriella and Michael. The 2 pearls of my life. How can I tell them? What will I tell them? MY FIANCE. Travis. What will he think? Will he think I didn’t sign up for this? MY PARENTS They are traveling in Europe. I can’t tell them yet. They need to find out when they get back. How will I tell them? How will they react? MY SISTERS They won’t believe it. It won’t make sense. What does it mean for them? This cancer has not only planted its toxic cells in me but in some ways it has planted itself in all of the people I love and that love me.