About to walk into the Cancer Center for the second time; my phone rings. It is my surgeon’s assistant. They don’t like the image on the right breast of the MRI. They want me to make an appointment for an ultrasound. NO!!! Has this cancer overtaken both of my breasts? I can’t believe this. Will this tests ever stop? I walk into the cancer center and there she is my Nurse Angel Karen; I tell her about the call. She can tell that I’m ready to lose it. She says I will try to get you in today to get the ultrasound let me find out what I can do. Gosh, I love her, she just takes away the frivolous stuff and makes it happen.
I then go into meet with Genetics Counselor, Kristin. I filled out a 20 page document before this appointment of all family history; births,deaths, what they died of. She then took all of this information and created a genetic map of my family and what it meant for me. I wasn’t scared at this appointment but rather curious. Genetics is quite fascinating. What is even more amazing is that this wasn’t even available when my mom had cancer and by the time my kids are grown it will probably be standard practice to do genetic mapping. The good news is that she stated that based on family history and such that I would have a 5% chance of carrying the gene. That means I have a 95% chance of not having the gene. 95%–those are good odds. BUT, again another waiting period. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
I’m done with Kristin and go into another room with Karen. I ask a lot of questions about this ultrasound, what they saw in the MRI. She tries to reassure me that she doesn’t think it is anything. I desperately want to believe her. I want to grab onto her words and hold on tight, but I don’t, I can’t. I’m nervous. I’m worried. I don’t trust my body anymore–has the other breast betrayed me too?