T-420 days 9/23/12-Why me?


Why me?  That’s a question I have been asking myself a lot lately.  I keep thinking how it doesn’t make sense.  I finally get to a place that is peaceful and serene and boom–The C Bomb is dropped in my lap.  As if God was like “Well, Monica your great at handling challenges so here is another one for you”.  I’m not mad at God and I don’t blame him but I just don’t get it.   I walk around and look at other people who don’t eat as healthy as I do, who don’t work out as much as I do and I think how do they not have cancer???  This thought has invaded my every thought–I can’t be out in public and not look at every single person and not think it.

How do you life a healthy lifestyle for so long to avoid exactly these types of diseases and then get slapped in the face with it?  It’s as if this cancer is mocking me and all of the healthy choices I have made.  I hate you cancer!!!!!  There I said it.  I hate you and everything you are going to do to me–what you are going do to my body, my hair, my breast, my skin….I hate you for what you are going to do my kids, my family, my friends.  I really hate you.


About cancerchica

I am a mother of 2 kids, Gabriella 10 and Michael 8. I teach second grade. I am engaged to Travis whom also has 2 kids; Connor and Spencer. President of the Junior League of Ann Arbor Diagnosed with Breast Cancer on September 18, 2012 Tumor 1.3 cm ER+ & PR +, Her2+ Stage 1c Lumpectomy on October 17th, 2012 Lymph nodes - and margins clear TCH chemotherapy regimen began on Nov. 18th, 2012 Head shaving party on November 19, 2012

2 responses »

  1. That is the hardest question Monica to which of course there is no easy answer. What I do know is this – that you are a beautiful person and you will be even more so after you have conquered this too. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” -Elizabeth Kubler Ross. Giant hugs.

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