I have been praying to God for awhile; to put me where he wants me to be. I have said this prayer for sometime. Now I understand why I could never see or hear him;possibly because I like control. Cancer is a crash course in relinquishing all control. You have no choice. Like a leaky faucet, drip by drip I let go of trying to control what was happening to me and gave it all up to him.
Soon after, I was driving home with my kids and heard the song Redemption. My eyes filled with tears. In that moment everything became vivid and the road in front of me seemed to go on forever; one hill falling after the other until it was out of sight. In that moment I knew why I had cancer. God put me on this path so that when I am done with this journey I will take what I have experienced and make an impact. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, I just know that is now my destiny.
This was my last day of true despair and sadness–rather I now have comfort in trusting in him.