A quick aside before I begin writing my blog. I am quite behind in real time and intend on catching up. Regardless, my goal is to capture the moment in time whether past or present with the raw emotions and details of those events.
I woke up after my first chemo infusion expecting to feel different, look different…..but nothing; it was oddly disappointing. I jumped into the shower to wash my hair for the last time. I am not one to feel an unhealthy attachment to my hair but as my fingers were going through my locks tears began to drip down my face. How many months or years would it be till my hair would be this long again? I reveled in the sensation of the water dripping through my hair strands, my hair getting stuck to my face….all of these minute seemingly irrelevant motions that I would otherwise rush through in my daily life. I lifted my head high and reminded myself yet once again that I was making the right decision. I will decide when my hair is going to fall out NOT my cancer. That sense of control during a time when everything else in my life was toppling over out of control was what I needed.
Many friends and family were attending my head shaving party. Holly was hosting at her house, Michelle had sent out the invites and made other arrangements. Everything was set.
There was champagne and wine flowing, snacks to munch on, many hugs and kisses. I counted my blessings many times to have such support from so many. Rather then this being a somber and sad moment it was a time to celebrate!
Me and my boys.
So there we all were, with the buzz of conversation flowing through the rooms, laughter ebbing in the hallways.. I knew the time was drawing near, where the buzz would be of clippers against my head. With my friends and family standing and sitting around me I took the honorary place at the clipping throne. I did not have a mirror but only the reactions and sounds of everyone to guide me into my transformation.
the head is being shaved
As I sat there I heard comments of how great I looked and how the “buzzed cut becomes me”. All around I had smiling faces looking back at me with tears in their eyes.
In solidarity my dear loved ones also shaved their heads; Travis, my dad, Michael and Spencer. Every one of them sat down and shaved the hair off their head in love for me.
My Mr. Handsome getting his head shaved for his mama with breast cancer.
I am not certain if I was more emotional getting my head shaved or watching
Michael shave for me.
me and my girls
With my new Pat Benatar look I was ready for a night out on the town. With my first chemo under my belt, my hair shaved away we headed out to eat, open presents and celebrate a momentous weekend!
Our new shaven heads